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• On Finding Myself •
• Prologue
• Part 1: Beginning
• Part 2: Dormant
• Part 3: Ebb and Flow
• Part 1: Beginning
• Part 2: Dormant
• Part 3: Ebb and Flow
Prologue
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Disclaimer: The contents of this article hold some very personal things. Everything you have read/will read is honest.
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How I came to believe that I’m fae is actually a long story but I will keep it brief. I have no memories of a past life before this one. I do believe in reincarnation, but that is not the base of my existence. I am not a has been, I just am.
My reflections on these topics are complex and I never cast down the possibilities of past lives. I trusted my intuition that this was not the case with me.
I am fae born (incarnated) in a human body. I cannot claim that I am "biologically" fae but I can say I am "physically" fae. I have been on an interesting journey of epiphany and confusion, but magical for over a decade. I have still have so much to learn about myself and my kinship.
You might be wondering what I think a spirit is so allow me to give you a brief definition. A spirit is the seat of emotion, character, or energy that lives on after a physical body has passed away and is released into a different realm. My spirit is who I am and who I will always be. It is my essence. It carries the knowledge I gathered.
This is my story on being faery from my life’s perspective so far.
Disclaimer: The contents of this article hold some very personal things. Everything you have read/will read is honest.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
How I came to believe that I’m fae is actually a long story but I will keep it brief. I have no memories of a past life before this one. I do believe in reincarnation, but that is not the base of my existence. I am not a has been, I just am.
My reflections on these topics are complex and I never cast down the possibilities of past lives. I trusted my intuition that this was not the case with me.
I am fae born (incarnated) in a human body. I cannot claim that I am "biologically" fae but I can say I am "physically" fae. I have been on an interesting journey of epiphany and confusion, but magical for over a decade. I have still have so much to learn about myself and my kinship.
You might be wondering what I think a spirit is so allow me to give you a brief definition. A spirit is the seat of emotion, character, or energy that lives on after a physical body has passed away and is released into a different realm. My spirit is who I am and who I will always be. It is my essence. It carries the knowledge I gathered.
This is my story on being faery from my life’s perspective so far.
Part 1: Beginning
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“Remember baby, there are always things in this world that you may not understand, but you have to keep the faith you will one day.”
My mother once told me that when I was about 6 ½ (yes, when the halves counted for something, haha). At the time, I just smiled and nodded or just said, “I know” like a know-it-all. What she said is gestalt for the things I experienced as a younger child. This is still true for me. My family has generational experiences with supernatural and paranormal, you know "weird shit". The childhood experiences of know that have frightened me and amazed me.
I accepted that we are not the only beings that walk the Earth.
All eerie things aside.
A valuable lesson my mother taught me was to cherish what we have not created. Nature. I grew up walking distance from a Lake Michigan lakeshore beach. Ever so often my mother would take me to the park to just enjoy nature, or sit on the sand of the beach gazing at the lake. There was always this extreme glee I’d feel when I was at those places. I felt so comforted. Time after time, I wanted to be able to take care of the plants, trees, and little bumblebees. Doing so moved me, it made me like I have a purpose other than to just grow up. I loved that feeling.
One golden afternoon on a warm autumn day in September I walked up to three beautiful trees. The first of the trees was an Oak, the second was a Cottonwood, and the third was an Evergreen. Once again, I felt moved by their presence as if they were calling out to me to join them in enjoying the breeze.
So, I walked to up to the trees and I started talking to them. They ‘talked’ back, I understood them–– that is what it seemed like. Whenever I’d touch them, I could feel their energy and it would send little vibrations down my spine. I understood how happy they were when someone decided to rub their hands across their bark. Alive. (In another section, I will explain my abilities of botanic empathy and telepathy.) This was the beginning for me. My deep connection to nature and the Earth would only grow stronger.
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“Remember baby, there are always things in this world that you may not understand, but you have to keep the faith you will one day.”
My mother once told me that when I was about 6 ½ (yes, when the halves counted for something, haha). At the time, I just smiled and nodded or just said, “I know” like a know-it-all. What she said is gestalt for the things I experienced as a younger child. This is still true for me. My family has generational experiences with supernatural and paranormal, you know "weird shit". The childhood experiences of know that have frightened me and amazed me.
I accepted that we are not the only beings that walk the Earth.
All eerie things aside.
A valuable lesson my mother taught me was to cherish what we have not created. Nature. I grew up walking distance from a Lake Michigan lakeshore beach. Ever so often my mother would take me to the park to just enjoy nature, or sit on the sand of the beach gazing at the lake. There was always this extreme glee I’d feel when I was at those places. I felt so comforted. Time after time, I wanted to be able to take care of the plants, trees, and little bumblebees. Doing so moved me, it made me like I have a purpose other than to just grow up. I loved that feeling.
One golden afternoon on a warm autumn day in September I walked up to three beautiful trees. The first of the trees was an Oak, the second was a Cottonwood, and the third was an Evergreen. Once again, I felt moved by their presence as if they were calling out to me to join them in enjoying the breeze.
So, I walked to up to the trees and I started talking to them. They ‘talked’ back, I understood them–– that is what it seemed like. Whenever I’d touch them, I could feel their energy and it would send little vibrations down my spine. I understood how happy they were when someone decided to rub their hands across their bark. Alive. (In another section, I will explain my abilities of botanic empathy and telepathy.) This was the beginning for me. My deep connection to nature and the Earth would only grow stronger.
Part 2: Dormant
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Life really hit home when my mother passed away; I was 9 years old. I had to make adjustments to living with relatives and I began to spend less time outdoors. Besides grief, I suffered with my childhood Asthma and malnutrition. I was fragile.
About a year later I began regaining a level of comfort. I spent most of my spring, summer, and autumn days in my relative's beautiful backyard. It had this beautiful, huge cherry blossom tree that I nicknamed “the Tree of Life”. There was so much life in that backyard. I would see cardinals, monarch butterflies, bumblebees and lots of squirrels.
I love squirrels. My favorite insects were pill bugs; I called them “rollie-pollies.”
During that time, I never gave my sincere love for the environment. It just felt right, like a second nature. I felt my peers and family would see my connection as healthy. I suspect that might have also thought it was unhealthy because all I ever did was stay outside. I would come inside for homework or to do art.
Every once in awhile, I would have some unusual feelings and thoughts go through my mind. I knew things, places, ideas and knowledge, and creatures I had never seen or known before. It was like a new realm. A lot of it seemed to mimic earthen things, but unordinary. It was if everything was incognito, but I saw them, heard them. It was fantastical. I just let my feelings lie dormant and didn’t try to look for an explanation.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Life really hit home when my mother passed away; I was 9 years old. I had to make adjustments to living with relatives and I began to spend less time outdoors. Besides grief, I suffered with my childhood Asthma and malnutrition. I was fragile.
About a year later I began regaining a level of comfort. I spent most of my spring, summer, and autumn days in my relative's beautiful backyard. It had this beautiful, huge cherry blossom tree that I nicknamed “the Tree of Life”. There was so much life in that backyard. I would see cardinals, monarch butterflies, bumblebees and lots of squirrels.
I love squirrels. My favorite insects were pill bugs; I called them “rollie-pollies.”
During that time, I never gave my sincere love for the environment. It just felt right, like a second nature. I felt my peers and family would see my connection as healthy. I suspect that might have also thought it was unhealthy because all I ever did was stay outside. I would come inside for homework or to do art.
Every once in awhile, I would have some unusual feelings and thoughts go through my mind. I knew things, places, ideas and knowledge, and creatures I had never seen or known before. It was like a new realm. A lot of it seemed to mimic earthen things, but unordinary. It was if everything was incognito, but I saw them, heard them. It was fantastical. I just let my feelings lie dormant and didn’t try to look for an explanation.
Part 3: Ebb and Flow
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During my highschool years I started noticing changes. I began to understand more things that had always been on my mind. In retrospect, I knew I was different for years. I just didn’t have a “title”. Around this time I rekindled with an old friend named J, he told me that he is a psychic vampire. I never doubted what he was, but I was curious to find out more about the vampire community. Upon learning about sanguinarians, psi vamps, and hybrids, none of it interested me. Soon, more ideas led to another, and those ideas led to more research and websites.
I thought, “Vampires are real, what else is there?”
J would very often tell me, that there was something different about me and couldn’t quite place his mind’s eye on it. I brushed it off like dude I’m weird. I know. It intrigued me nonetheless. To find more answers I started to meditate a lot. The fear of self-acceptance blocked information, but I couldn’t bathe in that fear any longer. I had to cope with anything that could be 'nonhuman' about me just ebb and flow. It became much more calming the more I did it.
Then one fateful day, I had the most whimsical little thought. “I’m a faery?” The feeling was new, but not new at all. Somewhere in my heart was a finalized sensation. It felt good. It was justifiable and sincere. I felt like my childhood mystery was solved. What was so amazing was that as soon as I accepted that idea, everything wasn’t so strange to me anymore.
My strong connection with the Earth was not basic.
The otherworldly things I saw and felt as a child made sense. It was deeper and warmer. I awoke from my dormancy. I never thought about Fae, spirits and other beings (besides Judeo-Christian angels and demons). If you asked me what a faery was I would tell you Brian Froud's Faeries. But now, I identify with them and as one? That’s new. It was the only clear and polished answer to what I was looking for. It explained certain aspects of myself, my tenacity– things that my human side couldn’t. Of course, I didn't base me being fae off of a checklist because that would be awfully silly.
It was then did I start looking for some questions and answers. I spent my high school years just researching anything I could find out about the Fae. Serious, scholarly research. I read books, studied websites (werelist, otherkin.net, etc.), asked my friends, with caution. Of course, in the euphoria of it all, I was still confused.
I would often read board discussions about mythological beings and how they were not so mythological. I would also read histories of Fae, Sidhe, and other creatures. The topics led me to Otherkin. All was great. My brain’s possibility of what I am was skyrocketing even though I knew these people couldn’t tell me what I am. Was it possible? Had I gone loony? I needed closure to slow down the ebb and flow and find a common ground.
When I met Sgian, he confirmed who and what I was as time went on~ there was no doubt about much anymore.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
During my highschool years I started noticing changes. I began to understand more things that had always been on my mind. In retrospect, I knew I was different for years. I just didn’t have a “title”. Around this time I rekindled with an old friend named J, he told me that he is a psychic vampire. I never doubted what he was, but I was curious to find out more about the vampire community. Upon learning about sanguinarians, psi vamps, and hybrids, none of it interested me. Soon, more ideas led to another, and those ideas led to more research and websites.
I thought, “Vampires are real, what else is there?”
J would very often tell me, that there was something different about me and couldn’t quite place his mind’s eye on it. I brushed it off like dude I’m weird. I know. It intrigued me nonetheless. To find more answers I started to meditate a lot. The fear of self-acceptance blocked information, but I couldn’t bathe in that fear any longer. I had to cope with anything that could be 'nonhuman' about me just ebb and flow. It became much more calming the more I did it.
Then one fateful day, I had the most whimsical little thought. “I’m a faery?” The feeling was new, but not new at all. Somewhere in my heart was a finalized sensation. It felt good. It was justifiable and sincere. I felt like my childhood mystery was solved. What was so amazing was that as soon as I accepted that idea, everything wasn’t so strange to me anymore.
My strong connection with the Earth was not basic.
The otherworldly things I saw and felt as a child made sense. It was deeper and warmer. I awoke from my dormancy. I never thought about Fae, spirits and other beings (besides Judeo-Christian angels and demons). If you asked me what a faery was I would tell you Brian Froud's Faeries. But now, I identify with them and as one? That’s new. It was the only clear and polished answer to what I was looking for. It explained certain aspects of myself, my tenacity– things that my human side couldn’t. Of course, I didn't base me being fae off of a checklist because that would be awfully silly.
It was then did I start looking for some questions and answers. I spent my high school years just researching anything I could find out about the Fae. Serious, scholarly research. I read books, studied websites (werelist, otherkin.net, etc.), asked my friends, with caution. Of course, in the euphoria of it all, I was still confused.
I would often read board discussions about mythological beings and how they were not so mythological. I would also read histories of Fae, Sidhe, and other creatures. The topics led me to Otherkin. All was great. My brain’s possibility of what I am was skyrocketing even though I knew these people couldn’t tell me what I am. Was it possible? Had I gone loony? I needed closure to slow down the ebb and flow and find a common ground.
When I met Sgian, he confirmed who and what I was as time went on~ there was no doubt about much anymore.